Storyteller

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

“Don’t you get sick of just doing puzzles all the time?” he rolled his head back.

The side of my mouth twitched upward. “It keeps my mind off of things.”

He stood up and walked behind the couch, “Like what?” He looked out the window, the sun setting behind the buildings. I placed the piece back into the box and looked over at him. He shifted his head to the left after the silence sank in. He turned and leaned over the couch. “I’m not letting this go.”

“I just don’t have to worry about anything. It’s as if this is all I have to do and nothing else matters.”

He hung his head. Matt quickly slipped over the couch and landed on his back, his face next to mine. On impulse, I shot back into the puzzle box, knocking pieces out. My cheeks flared with fear and embarrassment. My fingers fumbled and shook as I tried to pick up all the pieces. In an instant, Matt was beside me, taking the pieces from my hands and putting them back into box. “I didn’t mean to scare you,” his eyes were cast down on the puzzle pieces.

I opened my mouth as if to respond, but no words formed. He put the top of the box back on and looked up at his watch. “It’s getting late. I better get going,” he smiled up at me, “I’ll see you next week.”

We walked over to the door. “Matt,” he turned around, “I really want to finish this puzzle and I can’t wait until next week.” I gripped onto my wrist.

He grinned. “I’ll come by tomorrow.” I loosened my grip and nodded. 

“Tomorrow.” I closed the door behind him. Tomorrow.

Matt:

1:42 A.M.- I still can’t sleep. It’s like every time I close my eyes, there’s sand down my throat. My apartment is suffocating and I feel trapped inside. I can only imagine how Spinelli felt being trapped. I know I shouldn’t think like this, but it’s as if at every vulnerable moment, another memory surfaces. It’s hard to keep going throughout the day as if I’m just some random guy with no fears. Sometimes I wonder why I even came back here. There’s nothing left for me here. But then again, there was my mother, Bradley, and Rena-

I closed my journal and leaned my head back onto the backboard of my bed. Tomorrow. My palms started to sweat. Just the thought of her made my heart race. It wasn’t that I loved her anything, but there was something there that made me keep coming back. I just didn’t know what.

I tossed the journal into the nightstand and turned the lamp off. I slipped down onto my pillow and blankly stared at the ceiling. On the edge of sleep, my phone rang. I felt the adrenaline rush through my veins and the sweat forming on my forehead. For a second, I froze there, my thoughts jumbled up in confusion, but in the next, I was up on my feet. I grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

At first there was silence. I was about to hang up when I heard a quiet whisper. “7 A.M. at the corner cafe on South Green Street. No one else.” The line went dead. I knew that voice from anywhere. Bradley.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

“Hello, Rena. My name’s Sigmund Lieberman. I’m the forensic psychiatrist for this precinct,” he calmly sat down in the chair opposite me. He waited for a response. I just stared back at him blankly. He moved on. “Do you know what I do?”

“You study the behavior of someone with a mental disability.”

He gave a faint smile. “Well, that’s close enough.”

“So, why are you talking to me? I don’t have a mental disability,” I felt adrenaline rush through my veins. A sudden sprout of fear crept up in the back of my mind.

“I believe you, but I just want to know more about you. Is that okay with you?” he asked.

Finally curious about what he could tell me, I nodded slowly. The uneasiness in my veins and stomach eased a little.

“Now, I heard you’re from the city that never sleeps.” His eyes were sharp as he stared back at me, watching my every move.

“Yes.”

“New York City is a lovely place to be. What made you leave?” On a lighter note, he added, “Didn’t get much sleep?”

I impatiently jiggled my leg and down. “It was time for a change.”

“How well do you sleep at night?” he cocked his head to the right.

I stopped my leg and cut my breath short, memories of the night swarming back into my mind. I felt myself stand up and lurch out of the room. I blindly tried to get across the squad room to get to the elevator. I ran past Detective Price who looked just as surprised as everyone else. He placed his cup on his desk and tried to make his way over. I pushed people out of my way and kept my eyes on the elevator.

I was brought back to the night. It was cold and my leotard didn’t do much to help keep the heat in. I scrunched into my jacket as much as I could. Everything was silent. If elt the shadows slithering across the brick buildings, slowly circling me, waiting for the right moment to strike.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my arm pull my back. I skidded to a stop, afraid, but looked up to see Matt saying something to me that I couldn’t hear. Then, I heard the sounds of the precinct come rushing back into my ears.

“What happened, Rena?” he repeated, his forehead wrinkled with concern. Detective Price and Dr. Lieberman came up from behind him.

“Rena, you just started hell to break loose! The squad room is in total chaos!” Detective Winter came forward, out of breath.

Dr. Lieberman wiped the side of his face, “I didn’t mean for you to be offended by anything I said. Like I told you before, I want to know more about you.”

“It clearly wasn’t the right time, Sig.” This came from Detective Price, who was obviously frustrated.

Matt stood in front of everyone. “Maybe she should just get home. I think the line-up can wait.”

He turned around and was leading me to the elevator when Dr. Lieberman called out, “Hey, who are you? You can’t take her. I’m in the middle of an evaluation.”

Matt whirled around, “If you didn’t realize, it’s going to be kept short and going to have to be rescheduled for another time.”

This time Matt took my hand and quickly slipped into the elevator as the doors closed behind us.

Matt:

We were silent on the way down in the elevator. Once the doors opened, I realized I was still holding her hand. I guessed she noticed then too because she hastily slipped her hand out of mine and pulled her sleeve over it.

We walked out onto the street and awkwardly walked down the sidewalk with a large chunk of space between us. “So, I never thought you’d be outside of your apartment,” I shot a glance over at her.

She looked up at the sky and closed her eyes. “Sometimes I wonder what made me come here,” she ignored my comment.

Before I could find my words, she spoke again. “Being outside again is nothing I ever thought about. I regret so many things, but forcing myself to be inside that gritty apartment is by far the thing I regret most.”

My thoughts were all jumbled up. She sighed. “Am I going crazy, Matt?”

I faced her. “Well,” I smiled slyly at her. Her eyes widened slightly. “Crazy? No. Different is more like it.”

That made her grin sheepishly. “How am I different?”

I shoved my hands into my still wet pockets. “For starters, you definitely have a great talent for solving jigsaw puzzles. You have a strange way of being tough on the outside, especially to strangers. I can personally say, I have experienced that. And you have a smile that definitely proves you’re not crazy,” I blurted out, my heartbeat racing.

Rena’s cheeks flushed with color against the gray buildings. “What made you come to the precinct?”

This time I felt my cheeks heat up. “I wasn’t there for you if that’s what you’re thinking,” I said defensively, but breathing was heavy enough to give it away.

She giggled. It was the purest sound I heard in a long time.

“What?” she peered up at me.

I blinked and focused on her. “Nothing. I just-“ She abruptly stopped in front of the Joffrey Ballet School. She gazed in amazement at the letters.

She leaned her head my way. “Would you come inside with me?”

“Inside where? I can’t- I don’t-” I shook my head thinking she meant into the school.

She paused for a moment, almost as if she was enjoying my embarrassment. She grabbed my hand, which sent a warmness within myself. She led me across the street and into her apartment building. Her sudden burst of confidence made it harder to keep the lie that I was just her delivery man. I fought the urge to tell her and followed her lead.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

“Sorry about that,” Detective Price re-entered the cluttered room. He sat down across from me and placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of me. I crept upon the cup, my fingers thawing against the side of it.

“How much longer do I have to stay here for?” I crinkled my nose.

He hesitated. “Rena, is there something that has been bothering you for a while?”

“You mean this case?” my heartbeat quickened.

“No,” he swallowed as he glanced at the door. “Something that happened a long time ago, maybe somewhere far away.”

I quickly shook my head, “No, nothing like that happened to me.”

“Where are you from?”

I fell silent and let go of the cup. “New York.”

He leaned back in his chair, “Ah, the city of lights.”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful on a summer night,” I smiled.

“I’ve always wanted to know,” he jerked forward. “What other names is it called? There’s the city of lights, the Big Apple, the Empire State, and the city that-“

“Never sleeps,” I finished.

His body relaxed and he seemed almost relieved. “Exactly,” his eyes glistened.

I pulled the end of my sleeves over my hands. “When can I go home?”

“Rena, can you accept to a psych evaluation?” he ignored my question.

“A psych evaluation? Why?” I tensed up and got ready to bolt out of the room.

Detective Price got up and leaned on the table. “I think you need help. You have an extreme fear of meeting new people and even coming out of your apartment.”

“Was that your whole plan since the beginning? Is that why I’m here? There was no line-up scheduled was there?” I raised my voice.

He held out two hands. “No, no. There is a line-up and everything. I just think something is wrong and I want to help you.”

A sharp knock echoed throughout the room. He hung his head for a moment, his shoulders drooping, but he quickly regained his composure and opened the door, slipping out once more.

A moment later, the man with the doe eyes entered.

Matt:

I flung the door open and caught the elevator before the doors shut. The man next to me tried to inch away from me unnoticed. I rolled my eyes at how ignorant people can be. The doors whooshed open and I stepped out, confused of all the chaos going on. I blankly stared around like a deer in headlights.

“Matt?” I heard my name called out over the noise. I saw Detective Winter come closer to me.

I rushed up to her. “Is Rena here? I saw her with Detective Price and I thought something might have come up in the case and-“

She held up a hand to stop me from rambling, “She’s here and she’s fine. She was picked up to do a line-up.” She gave me a helpless look. “I think you should go home.”

“I want to wait for her,” I tried to pass by.

She stepped in my way, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Her sea green eyes were sharp. I tried to get by her, but she grabbed my arm. “Matt, it’s not the right time.”

I sighed and sat down in a chair next to her desk. She kept her eyes on me as she poured coffee into a cup. I gratefully took the cup and shivered as the heat sparked through me. “So, when will she be out?”

“In a little while,” Detective Winter sat down in her chair. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask,” she looked my way, “Do you know what Rena’s always worried about?”

I shook my head, “No. She never told me.”

She slowly sipped her coffee. “What do you know about her?”

“Not much,” I shrugged.

She cocked her head to one side. “Not even where she’s from?”

I thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, not even that.” Her lips became taut and she patted my back as she left her desk. I looked down at the floor. How did I not even know where she’s from? It was like I knew her, but didn’t. We both had secrets from each other, but wanted to be together to void the empty feelings of dread and fear of entering a state we wouldn’t be able to fight.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

“Should I have come with someone?” I asked, twisting a piece of my wet hair in the elevator.

Detective Price wiped off the rain from his forehead. “You didn’t need to,” he looked over at me and gave me a look as if he knew I saw Matt.

I quietly nodded. My heart raced as the elevator cranked open. I let in a sharp breath. The noises of ringing telephones, the shuffling of case files and papers, and the smell of black coffee swarmed to my senses. Goosebumps arose everywhere, like a freshly bought chicken, plucked of its feathers. Detective Price placed a gentle hand on my back, leading me into the office. My eyes bulged at the sight of the clutter and the people rushing to different places.

“Nate,” a big, burly man with a receding hairline motioned for Detective Price to come over.

He hesitated, but nodded. He turned to face me. “Is it alright if I leave you in a room for a moment? An officer will be with you.”

I shuddered a nod and wrapped my arms around myself. He smiled as an officer kindly brought me into a room cluttered with papers of case files. I let my head lay down on the cool metal table. Soon I was able to hear my heart beat, mechanical and steady.

The door opened, flushing the roaring noises into my ears. “Rena?” I pushed myself up. Detective Price came and sat down in front of me. “There’s been a bit of a problem.” I held my breath. “The storm caused some traffic and they won’t be here until a little while later.”

I let out my breath, almost relieved, but his face said otherwise. He was clearly upset about something. “Is there,” I started. He raised his eyebrows, “something else wrong?”

His overworked eyes drooped. His handsome face was tired and stressed. “No, no. There’s nothing to worry about,” he twitched his lips back, trying to force a smile.

“I didn’t mean about this case.”

He looked over at me with wondering eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but a knock on the door interrupted him. A short man, with big doe eyes opened the door a slither. “Excuse me, Detective Price, could you step out for a moment?” My fingers fidgeted under the table as he walked out.

I looked around and found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were sunken in and my cheekbones made the illusion that my skin was taut against my bones. My lips had lost its natural red hue. There was nothing left of me. I was someone else, someone I didn’t know nor wanted to be.

Matt:

I blankly stared down the road as if I was waiting for him to turn back around and come back to me. I knew it was him. I finally came to my senses and slowly trudged down the block to the station. Once I reached the front door, I saw Jen come out of the elevator. She looked up and our eyes met. She sighed and came out, opening her umbrella.

“When did you get back?” I asked, a bit surprised.

She looked around, coolly. “A while ago.”

“Did you find-“

She curtly cut my off, “No. If I did, I wouldn’t be here, would I?”

I wiped my wet hair off my forehead. “Jen, I-“

“Matt, I’m not in the mood. I don’t want to hear it. I’m done,” she pushed by and started walking away.

“I saw him,” I shouted. I heard her heels stop. I turned to look at her. “He was following me just now. He’s here, Jen. He never left.”

Her shoulders tensed for a moment. “Don’t give me false hope, Matt. I’m sick of the betrayal and the lies.”

“I never lied to you, Jen.” Jen whirled around and made her way back to me.

She came up to my face, “You lied to your parents, Matt. I never trusted a word that came out of your mouth.”

“But Jen, I saw him.”

She laughed in my face, her eyes tearing from the hurt. “Oh, because now that you’ve come back you’re a whole new person with no history and I should be able to trust you! Matt, all those years you could have came clean and apologized to everyone.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” I looked at her.

“I can’t believe this right now,” she threw her umbrella on the ground, “Matt, you had the choice, you just didn’t take it. Don’t tell me that it wasn’t a choice. I don’t think you get it. Matt, you just got up one day and said you were leaving. And then you really left. You were gone.”

I held her shoulders. “I had to leave! I was suffocating in this town. I would have killed myself if I didn’t.”

“When you left, it was like the world had ended to Rose. You shattered her heart,” tears swelled in her eyes, “You left when she needed you the most, when I needed you the most. It was like you wanted to throw everything away and you did.”

The lump in my throat grew. “I’ll never regret leaving,” I swallowed hard.

She looked far out into the distance. “Of course you won’t.” She picked up her umbrella and made her way down the block.

“I’ll never regret leaving, but I do regret not saying that I was sorry,” I called after her.

I saw her wipe her tears and turn the corner that Bradley had been just a while before.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

“If you come down with me and pick out the guys in a line up, this can all just go away. You’ll be known as our protected witness and they can’t find you,” he folded his hands, patiently waiting for me to respond.

“I have to go now?” My heart picked up its pace.

He solemnly nodded. “It’ll be quick. You go and pick them out and then you can go back home.”

I bit my lip and breathed heavily. “You’re sure they won’t see me?”

“I swear,” he put his hand to his chest. “I’ll have an officer escort you back home if it makes you more comfortable.”

I bit my nail. “Can’t you just take pictures of them and then show them to me here?”

He looked at me, puzzled, “The defense attorney will have to come by and it may not be as safe.” He leaned forward. I shuffled farther into the couch. “Look, I just want the least amount of stress onto you. Your positive ID will help us nail the case.”

My head was spinning. I was overwhelmed by the amount of pressure that was pushed onto me. I knew I had to do it. I had to go outside for the first time. It was now or never. “I’ll do it.”

Matt:

I jogged across the street, looking both ways at the traffic. The clouds thundered above, threatening to lay down a massive storm. The wind picked up, creating swirling hurricanes of dead leaves. That was when I saw her.

She was wearing an old beaten cap with a warm sweatshirt and jeans. Her eyes jittered from side to side, adjusting to the different light. I slowed down once I reached the sidewalk. Detective Price quickly led her to his car, opening the back door for her. She took one more glance around, her face in awe of her surroundings. Our eyes met and we held each other’s gaze. Detective Price warily looked around to see who might have seen her. He looked up at me for a moment and then quickly ushered Rena in.

He gave me a helpless look and ran around to the driver’s door. He started the engine and drove passed me. She didn’t even make an effort to look at me.

The clouds let loose and the rain began to heavily pour onto Chicago. I pulled my hood up and sat down on the building’s front step. Some people scurried out of the streets, trying to find a dry place to weigh out the storm. Others took out their umbrellas and went on with their business.

I made the rational decision to go to the station and find Rena. I got up and looked around. No one was outside anymore. The street lights had turned on, giving the empty streets an almost warmer feel. I shoved my hands in my pockets and slowly made my way to the station.

However, I felt uneasy, as if someone was following me. But every time I looked back, no one was in sight. I assured myself that it was nothing, just my mind playing tricks, but the feeling never ceased. I took off. I ran passed closed, lifeless shops. I felt the puddles soaking in.

Soon enough, I wasn’t in Chicago anymore. Instead of the bitter cold rain, I felt the hot, sticky air that once felt suffocating and the sand, piercing into my flesh.

The huge weight of my bag brought my feet to sink down farther into the grainy sand. “Spinelli, you gotta keep moving,” I heard distant voices yell. The sound of bombs whistled through the air as enemy planes zoomed by.

I looked back. He was always the smaller one and had the most trouble with keeping up, but he was the most dedicated and most determined one out there.

“I’m keeping up with my family’s legacy. My entire family has been in service and come back with medals and purple hearts,” he pushed his round glasses up his slim nose, “I’m going to make them proud of me.”

I lightly punched him in the shoulder. “You’re not so bad, Spinelli. I’m sure your family’s proud of you already. You just remember why you’re here.”

He never made it back home alive. He was taken as a POW and tortured until he died a week later. He was the weakest link, but he never gave up any information to enemy lines. His mangled body was found and sent to his hometown, Virginia, in a casket. I heard he was buried next to his great grandfather and grandfather. True American heroes.

I came out of the daze and realized my lungs were burning. I was a couple of blocks away from the station. I slowed my pace until I was walking. The rain did not dwindle and nor did my uneasiness. I turned the corner, aware of someone behind me. I waited until they turned the corner. I pushed them up against the wall, preventing them from escaping my grip.

“Bradley?” my knees grew weak. I softened my grip and he pushed me aside. He took off down the street without looking back.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

“Do you understand what you are going to be doing?” Detective Price quietly asked, his deep eyes filled with concern.

I nodded. “I don’t want to be a part of this anymore. Everything I told you has been a lie.”

His eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched. “Rena, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just thought if I lied, everything would go back to normal.”

“I don’t want to have you subpoenaed. If you’re scared, I can have you under witness protection. They can’t hurt you.”

I shook my head, “Anyone can hurt me. I’m not going to make myself more vulnerable than I already am. Please, just let me sign all the papers to make this go away.”

“Don’t make me arrest you for obstruction,” Detective Price pleaded, “I’ll have to bring you down to the station.”

“You can’t take me anywhere,” I stood up. “I did nothing wrong!”

He slowly got up, “Rena, we’re so close to getting them. We just need your testimony and for you to pick them out in a line up. After that, I’ll see what I can do.”

I wrapped my arms around myself. “I can’t have them see me! They’ll do exactly what they did to him! They’ll kill me! You can’t!” I felt myself scrunched in the corner, next to the windows.

His eyes widened. “Rena, no, no. They won’t be able to see you. I promise. You’ll be safe.” He leaned down next to me. “They won’t kill you.”

I looked up at him. “I’ve had promises broken many times. Yours is no different.”

Matt:

“Petty Officer Lowenthal, what do you have on your mind today?” she crossed her legs and placed her clipboard on her lap.

“How do I tell her I’m sorry?”

She cocked her head to one side. “Who?”

“She’s already been through a lot and now I’m another one of her fears,” I shook my head.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Who is she?”

 I bit my lip. “I’ll have to reschedule this,” I stood up and reached for the doorknob.

“Matt, wait,” she turned towards her desk and turned the recording off. “We’ve known each other since grade school. I’m telling you this because I care about you and your health. You can’t just keep your feelings to yourself. You have to let them out and come to peace with them.”

I released the doorknob and faced her. “I’m doing fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Look. This may be a big city, but soon enough everyone will remember you and things will come up that you’ve tried to keep down. Don’t make those mistakes,” she glared at me.

I sighed. “Some mistakes can’t be learned from. I learned that from you, Kate.”

Her straight blonde hair fluttered as the wind picked up. She shut the window and sat down in her chair, looking up at me. “You know the last thing I said to you?”

“Pretty sure it was to go drown in the Hudson River, but that could have been Amanda,” I smirked and sat back down.

Her face looked tired and she smiled at the memory. “I hear all these horrid stories about war from everyone who walks into my office. I didn’t feel a connection to them, so I didn’t have any trouble just listening and helping them cope through, but now that I’m helping you, I feel so hurt. You have been my friend since forever and I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through and seen, but I know that I would never want to hear about you dying out there.”

“Kate.”

“You never used to call me Kate. It was always Katherine to you,” she twiddled her thumbs. “I’ve never lost a friend or family member from war and I don’t want you to be my first.”

I cleared my throat. “I’ll come back. I always do. Tell your mother I said hello. I’ve been craving her cupcakes since the fifth grade,” I winked and opened the door.

“First thing Tuesday morning, Petty Officer Lowenthal,” she leaned back in her chair.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

My eyes shot open and I quickly sat up, adjusting to my surroundings. Matt’s hazy figure became clear. He was curled up on the couch, shaking from the cold. His hair was matted on his forehead with sweat and his arms were crossed against his chest.

I slid out of bed, careful not to place any weight on my left ankle. I wobbled my way over to the couch, wary of my hurt ankle, but as I sat down, I realized that my ankle was not throbbing or swollen. As I shook my head, Matt stirred in his sleep. He convulsed in his sleep as if he felt his nightmares like I felt mine.

Suddenly, he jerked up and was breathing heavily. He rested his head on his forearms, which were lying on his knees. He took generous deep breaths, calming himself down. After a couple of moments, he glanced up at me with his frightened eyes. They told stories that couldn’t be told by him.

“Are you alright?” I timidly asked.

He rubbed his temples and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied, agitated.

I got up and ran the sink in the kitchen. The water bubbled as I gathered some in a cup. “Drink some water. It should help,” I held out the cup with a shaky hand. He took it with both hands and gulped it down. He gave it back as he wiped his chin on his arm. “What did you dream about?”

He looked up at me with curious eyes. “Nothing.” I dropped the cup into the sink and turned to stare back at him. He quickly asked, “What did you dream about?”

I hesitated. “The past.”

“I’m guessing it’s not pleasant,” he straightened his back and put his feet onto the floor.

I coiled up on the opposite side of the couch. “Why would say that?”

“I,” he paused, thinking about how to word his sentences. “I saw you sleeping.”

 

Matt:

“That,” I smiled, “came out a little weird.” She returned a small smile and looked over at the window. I hadn’t realized before, but it was dark in the apartment. “What’s your past like?” The room’s atmosphere turned damp, the room looking a little darker than it was a couple of moments ago.

Rena didn’t look over at me. We sat there in silence as the question sank in. “I think you should go.”

I bit the inside of my cheek as she shut down my question. I nodded and stood up. She didn’t make an effort to turn my way. “You should,” I paused, “get some sleep.” I walked over to the door, but before I could reach the handle, I felt her eyes on me. I turned.

“Don’t you get it? The reason why you can’t sleep at night is my reason, too.”

It took me a while to understand what she said. I slowly returned to the couch, her eyes locked with mine. “Why can’t I go to sleep at night?” I folded my hands as I sat down.

“Because you know once you close your eyes, you’re dragged into that one place you made sure to leave behind and you can’t wake up.”

I tried to swallow. “That may be why you can’t sleep at night, but it’s not why I can’t,” I lied, my palms clamming up.

“I saw the way you slept. You can’t just make those memories disappear.”

I knew I was in a vulnerable spot. I needed to get out of here. “Just forget I brought any of this up, okay?” I blurted out harshly. She shrunk farther into the couch, her eyes wide. “Wait, I’m sorry. I- I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

She pulled her hair behind her ears and shook uncontrollably. I leaned forward, extending my arm. “Don’t touch me,” she gritted her teeth.

I rubbed my eyes and stood up, embarrassed. “I’m really sorry.” I walked out the door, heat rising to my cheeks.

Everything I built up with Rena was gone. Just like the dreams we dared to dream.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

“I don’t want any of this leading back to me,” I gripped my hands together. Sweat slipped down my neck. The images kept appearing. The guy’s face. His eyes boldly staring into mine. His spit piled in front of my door. The way they all ran away like cowards when a distant door opened.

The detectives glanced over at each other. “We’ll see what we can do,” Detective Winter responded, staring at Detective Price for a moment longer.

I felt Matt’s big, coarse hand tenderly on my shoulder, encouraging me to tell what I witnessed. I felt as if I was spilling a secret so unknown to the world, as if I was the only one left who knew about it. Taking a deep breath, I unfolded everything I saw, heard, and felt.

Detective Price carefully leaned forward, his handsome face close to mine. He whispered, “Rena, I want to thank you so much for telling us about this. You’re doing great. I think we have everything we need. Thanks for your help. Make sure you take care of yourself, okay?” He gave me a small smile. I nodded, unsure of all of the information I told him. “You have my card. Call me if you need anything. I’m always here to help.”

Matt stood up, his tall body towering over mine. The detectives got up with him and walked over to the door, waiting to be let out. “I’ll be right back,” Matt reassured me and went over to open the door. They were exchanging whispers as I went into my bedroom and rolled into my bed.

When I heard the front door shut, I was already close to sleep. The warm, thick blankets were no longer around me, but my leotard and black parka were. I was upright and packing up my belongings. Everyone had left before me because I had stayed after to make sure I had my pirouettes on key. My ankle throbbed from how it twisted in the performance the day before. Tomorrow was the performance of the year. The Christmas special that everyone in New York went to see. The Nutcracker.

Being Clara was a once in a life time chance. I’d never be able to get my part back if I didn’t work four times as hard as the others. If I made sure every step and jump was exactly on point, I’d have at least some chance of getting into the Joffrey Ballet School. A scout was supposedly going to be watching our last performance, which was the next day. He or she would pick two exceptional dancers to go to the school. I not only wanted it, I needed it desperately. Having classes at Joffrey Ballet School is every ballerina’s dream if they lived in New York. This school had the highest amount of graduates go to work for big companies not only in America, but all around the world. I needed the performance to be perfect.

But I never got the chance. My ankle rolled as I limped through the streets and I collapsed onto the sidewalk, unable to get back up. I felt the sharp pain ice its way up my leg. It caught me off guard and I whined with pain. The next day, I bandaged my ankle and got a cab to drive me to the theater house. The first lesson a ballerina in big shows like these learns is to always- no matter what happens- always have a pleasant look on her face. I went on stage and got through most of the scenes without stumbling and kept most of my weight on my stronger leg.

However, with the last scene, I misplaced my footing and I tumbled to the hard, wooden floor. Excruciating pain sizzled through my veins as I quickly stood up and remained my position. Heat crept up to my cheeks and the back of my neck was full with sweat. I smiled as I blinked my tears away. My heart sunk as I thought of the horror I had just been through. My small chance of getting picked to go to Joffrey Ballet School disappeared when I fell with a loud thud in front of the largest crowd we had- all year.

Matt:

I saw her peacefully sleeping, wondering when the last I ever slept like that was. I furrowed my brows as I remembered the hot and slimy cot I had to sleep in, depending on what you considered sleeping, every night. Everything was just too clear. The heat was suffocating, squeezing sweat out of every pore, dripping onto the hard pillow. Unable to take sufficient breaths, I remember sitting up in the dark. I couldn’t see my hands right in front of my eyes. Had I been blind, I would have no worries sleeping. Each and every moment I tried to close my eyes, the horrid nightmares would jump out in every direction. Pictures of everyone I ended up killing, the thoughts of their families weeping, and the guilt I felt with each bullet that left my gun.

I brought myself back to the present and realized that Rena’s face contorted in her sleep. The same face my mother made when I told her I was leaving. Stepping into a foreign country and committing all of that damage wasn’t what I wanted anyone to know about.

I called up a therapist and arranged to have two sessions a week. At first I was finally relieved that I could get rid of the empty and guilty feelings, but after the first session, I knew it would take a long time before the feelings, if any, disappeared.

Knowing that at any moment, I could be deployed back to the murky countries I left behind scared me the most. It wasn’t about dying that I was worried about. I had signed up in the first place to end my life dying for my country. I would give pride to my family’s name and finally have my dad be proud of me for something. He wouldn’t look at me as the dumb drunk known as his kid, but a true hero. And my mom would never be so happy as to be able to hold me in her arms.

But none of that happened. I was one of the lucky ones who didn’t die, but came back almost untouched physically, but brutally damaged emotionally. Facing a life that I had left to crumble down wasn’t something I had thought about.

On the way home from the unspeakable places, I couldn’t stop thinking that I should have been the guy who died as soon as he stepped foot into the battle field. I should have been the guy who fought in front of the others and was killed, not the kid who somehow miraculously survived each battle because the brave soldiers gave up their lives to save mine.

It might have been comforting that I had survived and was coming home, but it just wasn’t right or fair. I soon realized that I didn’t deserve to have the love and care I received from people I barely knew because I was a veteran. I should have been nobody. I could have been a nobody with a clear conscience and a peaceful mind.

But the nightmares never dwindled. And neither did the guilt.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

“Miss Spero, open up. It’s Detective Price and Detective Winter. We need to talk to you,” he pounded on the door.

I covered my ears. I heard Matt shuffle to the door. “Mr. Lowenthal?” the detective asked, confused.

“Could I speak with you outside?” I heard Detective Winter step out of the frame. I looked up to catch Matt shut the door behind him.

“Miss Spero?” Detective Price slowly came forward to me, “Are you alright?” I curled up tighter. “I’m not here to judge you in any way. I just want to know what you saw.”

“I saw nothing,” I mumbled.

He stopped before me. “Miss Spero, please, I promise nothing will happen to you. If you tell me everything truthfully, I can help you.” I shook my head. “I’ll make this very easy for you.”

“Is this where I call a lawyer?”

His eyes sparkled for a moment, fear spread across his face, but left as soon as it appeared. “It’s your choice, but if your innocent, you don’t need one.”

I thought for a moment. I had no money to pay for a lawyer and I wasn’t going to bring my parents into this. I made a deal. “If I have Matt with me, I’ll talk.”

Matt:

She pulled me out and led me down the hall. “So, do you know her well?”

I shrugged. “I guess so. I mean, like I said before, I help her with her puzzles all the time.”

“She agrees to let you in?” Detective Winter asked, almost shocked.

I nodded. “Look, I know she’s not going to talk to you guys by herself, but maybe if you let me talk to her, I-“

“Mr. Lowenthal, I know that you know her better than us, but let us do our job,” she cut me off abruptly, “We have experience with these kind of people.”

“These kind of people?” I asked, anger creeping up behind my neck. “She’s no different from me or you,” I stepped closer to her, my voice rising.

Her eyes clouded over. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in that kind of way. I meant that Detective Price and I know how to deal with people who have been through a traumatic experience. I think the best way for her to talk is through either me or him, not you.”

Before I could object, the other detective swung the door open and looked around. He motioned for us to come over. “She says she’ll talk if he’s with her.”

I saw her embarrassment as her cheeks turned a brighter shade as she turned towards me. “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.”

I nodded and walked inside, almost smug that I had been right about Rena and that she wanted me to be with her as she spoke to the detectives.

Unfinished- add on

Rena:

He quickly came knocking at my door after a few minutes after I had shut my door and crumpled the card the detective gave me.

“Rena,” he panted out of breath, “please let me in.” I quickly ushered him in, afraid of seeing those three men appear in the hall. “What’s going on?” he asked as he settled the brown package down.

I shivered against the fear. “I don’t know.”

“It happened right outside of your apartment. The cops are going to come back to make sure they know everything,” he came closer. “I know you know at least something.”

I hesitated. “No, I don’t.”

He let out a breath of air and returned to the couch. “Rena, they’re going to tear you apart by hounding you with questions. Those detectives will subpoena you. You might be the key that’ll answer the man’s murder.”

“I’m not the answer to the man’s murder. I have no clue who this person is.”

He rubbed his face with his coarse hands. “Look, if you’re scared of whoever did this, you need to tell the police. They can help you get protection from this person if he saw you. You can put this person behind bars. Trust me, the police only want justice.”

“I know they will come after me,” my heart pounded at the sound of what I said. “If I tell and testify when they get these men, they’re going to hunt me down. I know it. If they don’t do it personally, someone will.”

Matt hesitated. “Who, Rena? Rena, they can’t hurt you. Trust me, the detectives will put the person away and they won’t ever be able to touch you.”

Matt:

We sat opposite each other on the couch. Quiet. She was curled up, her head on her knees. I leaned my elbows on mine, my chin in my hands. Neither of us wanted to talk, but neither of us wanted to be alone. There wasn’t anything to talk about. I stole a couple of glances at her, but she always in the same position. Her back was arched like a sphere and her head was lightly on her knees to the side, facing away from me. Her brown hair was in a high bun, pulled all the way back. Her arms circled her long, toned legs and her worn out toes dangled over the edge of the couch. Her feet were slender, but bulked with the strength of a dancer and the blisters to prove her determination. Her toenails were thick, and had a light purple hue.

Suddenly she whipped her head at me and saw that I was staring at her feet. Embarrassed, she quickly hid them.

“Do you still dance?” I asked her.

She clenched her jaw. “No.”

I sat up straight and faced her. “You should get your feet checked. It looks like you have a fracture that might have healed.”

“Are you a doctor?”

I chortled. “No.”

“Then, what are you?” she rocked back and forth.

“I’m your average delivery man,” I lied. Her eyes lost the bright autumn color and she leaned her head on her knees again, facing the door.